Why Is THIS Commitment In A Serious Book About Relationships?

     Our sixth and final co-commitment from Conscious Loving surprised a lot of people and caused a lot of sputtering indignation (still does 20+ years later). It is: I commit to having a good time in my close relationships. I mean really, otherwise, what’s the point? Most relationships founder because people don’t feed the fun. Instead, they feed the conflict and power struggles. So of course that’s what they get so good at that over time they forget what they even saw in the other in the first place.

     This commitment is probably the most serious of the sixth in that it places enjoying each other on the same level as taking healthy responsibility and revealing. It moves play and joy from the periphery to center stage. At the end of your life you’re not going to focus on how many times you got your mate to do the chores correctly. You’re probably going to savor the times you made your partner laugh or the spontaneous activities you generated or the creative ways you dealt with something unexpected.

    This commitment also invites you to define what a good time is for you and those close to you. It invites you to recommit to turning even the sweaty conversations into a good time. In out seminars and online courses we create lots of ways for people to have a good time and also invite them to generate their own lists to sample at home and at work.

     Here are some ways Gay and I create a good time:

• We take what the other person says or does as a toss, like a ball game, and do our best to catch it, add something to it and toss it back.

• We exaggerate attitudes, gestures and tones of voice frequently, turning everyday exchanges into little movies where we get to play different parts. Imagine doing this with your grocery list, for example.

• We ask a lot, “What do you want? What can I do to support you? What would be the most fun right now?”

• We read to each other, dance together, stretch together and do lots of physical activities together than we both enjoy.

How do you create a good time in your close relationships?